Holding on and Letting go
by Rant Girl
Summary: just random adorableness really, set after season 3 when Dean has returned from hell, story complete, r&r there could be a shiny nickle in it for you...lol
1. Chapter 1

It was Sam's turn to drive, hell Dean didn't even really care, biting at his lower lip, he shook his head bitterly, a quick glance to the side making him all the more aware of the concern etched on his brother's face, and he turned his head to the side, looking out the window briefly before letting his eyes fall shut, steeling his jaw…

"Dean…"

His eyes snapped open, he appreciated that Sam was worried, he truly did, but mostly he just wished he would lay off, "Sammy," his throat raw, dry, his voice hoarse, commanding, the word _don't_ thickly embedded into that one word. Hell had been some ride. Another place he was glad to put in the rearview mirror, only sometimes he felt almost certain he hadn't left it at all. He looked at Sam, his eyes back on the road, silent. That was new too, usually nothing could keep the youngest Winchester quiet, but things had changed. It was almost irritating. Dean sitting up straighter as Sam pulled into some, air quotes, _convenience_ store.

Getting out of the car without thought, the sound of the door closing thundered through his consciousness, making the silence louder, his eyes snapping shut, his tongue flicking out over his lips as he leaned down against the hood of his baby, pushing up and forcing a smile as he felt Sam's gaze, whose smile was even less convincing than his own.

They walked into the store, Sam seemingly knowing what they were there for, Dean staying near the counter, idly turning the magazine rack, automatically scanning his surroundings, the shelves low, there was nowhere to hide, the guy behind the counter looked anything but welcoming, his morality questionable, the word fugly springing to mind, Dean nodded curtly, with a smile that faded quickly as he turned taking a few steps forward.

He was just about to pick up a six pack when he caught a shimmer of blonde out the corner of his eye, and he looked down seeing the cute little toddler with pigtails in her hair, clutching a golden teddy bear to her chest, swivelling on the spot, she looked up into his eyes with those big baby blues, and he could of sworn his heart actually melted, a rare smile finding its way to his lips, wondering where her mommy was, concern flashing across his features as he searched the store, looking down as he felt her tiny arms wrap around his leg, watching as she took a step back, looking up at him expectantly, he crouched down, "Hey there princess," he said as softly as he could manage, "Lose your mommy?"

Looking into her eyes he couldn't imagine anyone losing such a precious thing, she looked down, and he stared at his hands, waiting for her response, but the little girl remained silent, still half swivelling on the spot, shuffling her feet. By this time Sam had rejoined his brother, confusion furrowing his ever-brooding brow, "Dean?"

But Dean ignored him, smiling a little, figuring she was shy, her eyes going to the giant that was Sam now towering over them, stretching her arms out to Dean, "Reach, reach," she requested, Dean taking her into his arms, making sure to support her properly before standing up, the little girl extending her hand out toward Sam, and even he couldn't help but smile, shaking his head before looking past her to his older brother, the 'what the' expression clear on his face, "Dean, what are you doing?"

"We can't just leave her here Sammy," his eyes sweeping over the store once more, but again he couldn't find a single pair of searching eyes, no panic stricken parents, his gaze meeting Sam's he cleared his throat, "Anybody lose a kid?" the place wasn't exactly crawling with customers, and only one or two looked up in bewilderment, apparently silently agreeing with Dean that she wasn't something you could easily lose, and he looked to the girl in his arm, "Sammy," she said with a giggle pointing to the freakishly tall brother, Dean smiled, "What's your name sweetheart?"

Her nose crinkled as she struggled over the word, "S-mantha" and Dean's smile became a full blown grin, catching Sam's eye he chuckled softly, "Samantha," he shook his head, there was no making this stuff up, she nodded and then pointed at him.

"Dean," he said with that same smile and she hugged him, the action throwing him, and he didn't really know how, but he knew he had to protect this little girl. Keep her safe.

"Dean…maybe we should…leave her here…" Sam sure that her parents would come looking for her.

"With that guy?" Dean arched his brow sceptically, his lip curling as they both looked at the owner of the store, the thought of that creep being anywhere near her, Sam shuddered, catching Dean's drift.

"Well then maybe we should take her to the cops…"

"No way. Not in this hick town. I don't trust 'em Sammy," he said holding her a little tighter, he knew he was being irrational, and that the sooner they handed her over to the authorities the better, but he just couldn't bear the thought, "Just need to keep an ear out, see if there's any flags on a missing girl…"

"Ok," Sam said in defeat, not entirely sure just what to make of this, and with a sigh, they went back out to the Impala, Dean holding Samantha securely on his lap, while she in turn held her bear on hers, the atmosphere of the car taking a complete one eighty, the intensity diminished. This young girl somehow able to accomplish what Sam had been failing for weeks; getting a smile back on his brother's face. Sam just watching from the corner of his eye in silence as he drove.

"How old are you?" Samantha held up two fingers, "How old's he?" he spoke softly, flicking up one of the bear's legs with his hand, Samantha holding out one finger, "What's his name?"

"Bram-bl-belly," she hugged the bear tighter, rocking him from side to side, "Bram-bl-belly comes everywhere with Sammy, he gets lonely when Sammy goes away," Dean smiled at her adoption of his brother's nickname for herself, seemingly finding it easier to say than Samantha, reminding him of when Sam had been her age unable to say Dean, "Yeah, well I guess me and Bramblbelly here have got something in common," he looked down into her soft gaze as her big blue eyes met his.

"What's in common mean?" his eyes flicked to Sam briefly, seeing that look in his eyes, knowing that he'd just compared himself to a teddy bear, and knowing that wasn't the part that his brother was dwelling on, he shook his head with a small chuckle, Samantha looking over at Sam and then back at Dean, not knowing what was funny, "I'm hungry," her little tummy grumbling as if to confirm her statement, Sam exhaled loudly, looking over at his brother and the cute little girl on his lap, knowing that Dean would be hungry too. Dean was always hungry.


	2. Chapter 2

She dragged the blue crayon from right to left across the paper the waitress had provided her with, Dean watching over her shoulder, one arm round her as she sat on his lap while they waited for their food, Sam sitting across from them in the other side of the booth, shaking his head in disbelief, "Dean…never figured you for a Mr. Mom," a hint of laughter accompanying his goofy grin, Dean narrowing his eyes slightly, "Dude…shut up," he finished lamely.

Sam just laughing harder, Samantha absorbed in her drawing didn't look up.

"Dean, man, are you ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Sam shrugged, his head tilting to the side, as the waitress, an older woman, returned with their drinks, smiling warmly toward Dean and Samantha, enamoured by the picturesque 'father and daughter', as she thought they were, it was moments like this, snapshots of her day, that made it worth it, "What a lovely picture," she said as she placed Dean's coffee just off to the side of it, Dean returning her smile before she headed back to the kitchen, turning his attention back to the little girl on his knee. He watched as Samantha wrote their names above the figures, Dean spelt with two e's and Sammy with a backwards y.

* * *

"Tell me a story."

Sam stood by the window, phone to his ear, he'd been put on hold, with Dean otherwise occupied, sitting on the couch with Samantha, it was up to him find her parents, _"Hello…Detective Saunders…Detective Saunders,"_ Sam shaking himself back to the present, remembering that was supposed to be him, "Yes, I'm still here, did you…nothing? Ok…thanks," he threw his phone up in the air, grabbing it and placing it back in his pocket, he'd tried four agencies already. Shaking his head as he listened in on the story his brother was weaving together…

"…and she was walking through the forest, and there was…a bear, a really big…huge bear and he, he befriended the little girl and they…"

Sam snorted, and Dean paused, fixing him a look, before continuing, Sam just shaking his head and heading for the bathroom. Dean leaned down gently kissing the top of Samantha's head as she yawned, and she smiled up at him, the innocence of her soothed him, proved that the world had something more to offer than pain, suffering, more than the daily sacrifice, something that made it all worth it, and it was held in her smile.

"…they found a haunt--, uh, enchanted castle," Dean yawning himself, "and they lived," his head dropping to the side, Samantha resting her head against his chest, "happily…" he snapped back up blinking, trying to force his eyes to stay open, his head drooping back down, the two falling asleep at the same time, Dean grumbling something unintelligible before a gentle silence enveloped them.

* * *

"Dean. Wake up!"

Dean swatting at his brother as he shook him again, "I'm up, I'm up, geez, dude, wh--"

"I found them."

"Found what?"

"Her parents."

Dean looked down, his tongue flicking out over his lips, he scratched his forehead, Samantha still sound asleep, he held her protectively, "What do you mean you found them?"

"I got a call. Set up a meet. We've got an hour…"

"An hour?" he said with urgency, hurt tingeing his voice, with just a hint of anger.

"Dean--"

"Forget it," pushing his hands back through his hair, he closed his eyes taking in a deep breath, "Let's go."

* * *

The drive to the diner was over a little quicker than Dean would have liked. Sam had picked the location, knowing it was best to keep the cops out of their affairs if possible, neither knowing when or where they would be recognised.

They got out of the car slowly, a woman, who he suspected was Samantha's mother, already walking towards them. Dean placed her down gently onto her feet as the woman came closer, relief flooding her features, like the tears from her eyes, "Samantha!" she practically choked.

"Mommy," Samantha said excitedly, clapping her little hands, her mom rushing over and scooping her up, holding her daughter tightly in her embrace, "Thank God," kissing the top of her head, her forehead, her nose, "Oh sweetie, are you ok," her eyes examining her daughter, before looking into her eyes, "Never do that again," a hint of anger creeping into her voice, but it immediately faltered, the mother's relief of having her daughter back in her arms wiping away all other emotions, "I love you sweetie…"

Dean looked down at the ground, clearing his throat Samantha's mother finally looking at him, "Thank you…really, I don't think I can thank you enough," Dean waved his hand in an offhandish _it was nothing_ sort of way, shrugging with a smile, his hands in his pockets, "Don't mention it."

Samantha stretching her arms out towards him, "Sammy stay with Dean, Bram-bl-belly will miss him if he goes away."

"Not as much as your mommy missed you," swallowing the lump in his throat, unable to take that sadness that flickered in her eyes, knowing it reflected his own, her little arms still stretching out to him, her mother allowing him to take her, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as she hugged him, "I'll miss you too," he whispered, "You be a good girl for your mommy, promise?" she nodded as Dean passed her back to her mother, her arms still outstretched holding her bear out to him, he just shook his head, "You keep him…"

"B-but I want you to have him."

"Wouldn't want to be responsible for him being lonely. He needs you."

She hugged Bramblbelly to herself, her face cast down, her mother kissing the top of her head once more, looking at Dean, "How can I repay you…I could write you a cheque…"

"No," he cut her off, a little too gruffly and he shook his head, "No," he repeated more softly this time, apologetic, "You don't have to…"

"You must want something…"

He was silent for a moment, scratching the back of his neck, reaching out to brush the tear from Samantha's cheek, "Just keep her safe."

The woman nodded, "Come on sweetie let's get you home."

"Bye Dean! Bye Sammy!" Samantha called over her mother's shoulder as she walked them to their car, and he blinked, still battling against the sudden wave of emotion that was taking hold on him, watching as her mother put her into her car seat, fastening her in securely before getting in herself, turning away unable to stomach watching her drive off, resting his hands flat against the hood of the Impala, pushing down and then slamming his hands down on top of it, pushing away, snatching the keys from Sam's hands and grabbing the door handle, getting into the car without so much as a word, the engine roaring into life before Sam even got round to the passenger side. Dean flooring it as soon as the door was closed.

"Dean."

Nothing. Dean blinked, clenching his jaw, the muscle tightening, his eyes trained on the road.

"Dean we need to talk."

"'Bout what?"

"About this."

"What _this_? Huh Sam?" he glanced over at him briefly, " 'we need to talk about this,'" he mocked darkly, "That a written rule somewhere? Cause I've never seen it," his eyes flicking to the rearview mirror, even though he knew there was nothing there, "Just drop it. Ok."

"No. Dean. It's not ok. She meant something to you, and now she's gone…"

"Yeah Sam. **Gone**. As in never coming back. So that's it. Over."

"Damnit Dean. You're my brother. And I'm sick of all this going through the motions crap. You don't have to prove anything. Believe it or not but the world won't fall apart if you do."

"You're wrong." He spoke quietly, almost forced, shaking his head lightly with a snort, "I'm trying. Man, I am trying Sam. I got out of hell. But every time I…" he bowed his head, his knuckles going white as he clenched the steering wheel.

"What?"

He bit at his bottom lip, giving Sam a long look before directing his attention back to the road, shaking his head once more, "Every time I close my eyes, it's like I'm right back there, and maybe I still should be…"

"Dean…"

"No, you wanted me to talk, so let me finish. You want to know how I'm feeling? How it feels just to be here? I'm tired Sammy, and the only…the only thing that made it all seem worth it, was that little girl," Sam finally at a loss for words, with that wounded puppy dog look plastered all over his face, Dean just couldn't take that look. He never could, he licked his lips, nodding his head ever so slightly, a ghost of a smile finding it's way to his lips, "I'm sorry."

Sam looked at his brother, the side of his mouth twitching into a smile too, "For what?" playing it dumb, knowing it was what was needed.

"Bitch," Dean grinned turning on the radio, tapping a beat out upon the dashboard, slapping the steering wheel before taking the exit, Sam just shaking his head.

"Jerk."


End file.
